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Before the flogging they buried me to my waist in mud One hundred times and one, they beat me with a cane Because I was wearing a burqa the mullah was spared the sight of my blood When my family took me home I was unconscious They were forbidden to seek treatment When I died the next morning no one was surprised. It was three days after my 18th birthday. I stand by your ear unseen. When I was 14 I wanted to be a teacher. I remember laughing with my friends on the way home from school I remember writing poems about the future daydreaming at the window into velvet sky Impossible, then, to believe what would come after the Taliban took our town. I stand by your ear unseen. When I was 15 they came. The wide world choked shut Collapsed to a point of fear, hunger. Constant My sisters and I ate what brothers left. Little. They could leave the house for classes, for work My mother's office job was taken away When my uncle would accompany her she took her turn wearing a neighborhood burqa so she could look for food. She sold our books I stand by your ear unseen. Three years. My youngest sister sickened My father carried her to the hospital but they told him to throw her away. She died at the door That's when my anger endangered all of us In her name I started a secret school. To read to write, five little girls and I risked our lives I would do it again. It was a way for ghosts to have hands and voices for awhile. I stand by your ear unseen. When another decree was issued, that houses with women have all windows painted black, we had no funds My father was gone, forced into the militia My mother had nothing left to sell They marched in to bully us found the hidden school slates behind my bed Hauled to the mullah, I told nothing He shut the door and raped me. I stand by your ears unseen Famine and depression make periods scant I didn't know about the baby at first My aunt had the right herb in a hidden pot on her roof She stayed while my baby bled out A new decree, forbidden to make sound when we walk, caught her when she left. She didn't have shoes that were silent They beat her on the street until her accompanying son in his panic tried to shield her by sacrificing me. The mullah learned everything. I stand by your ear unseen. He announced my offense of having an abortion which proved I was promiscuous My crimes cloaked his and no one could do anything but pray I might survive That prayer was not mine. I was ready to depart I do not ask for personal mourning. Twelve million living women and girls require your outrage Lift your veil! Open your ear. |